Hello everyone :)
I am still sick and I am sick of it. I have had enough of feeling like I got run over by a truck and especially not being able to concentrate on writing a blog post. It is kind of hard to focus on this one right now which is why I have started as soon as I got up today and am still working on it now.
Usually with a post like this it would take me 2 hours at most but with my brain clouded by my cold this has turned out to be far more challenging.
I did finish it though which is why you are reading this right now :)
The title of today's blog post might not make a lot of sense right now but I promise you will understand at the end of this post :) That is if I manage to explain myself properly but lets hope for the best :D
So ever since I have been to New Zealand I fell like I don't really belong here anymore and if you have been reading my blog for a while now you might know this. That is also the reason I started this blog, I needed a place where I could openly express myself without having to tell people in person. Although I might be good with words on paper or on here I am terrible at explaining myself while talking to someone.
Weird but true :)
Now I know that there is the feeling of being born in the wrong body but I feel like being born in the wrong country.
German people are strange and I don't seem to fit in at all.
I mean if you ask people in other countries to name 3 things that remind them of German's they say things like: punctual, disciplined and organized. And what the f***. Common I can't be the only person who thinks that those are probably the worst three adjectives to describe a person because they say nothing about their character. I mean that doesn't tell people anything about what being German is like or how people are here.
That is like saying you think someone has a big nose after you met them for the first time. It doesn't say anything about them as a person or how it was spending time with them.
Punctual, disciplined and organized: I would much rather be described as rude, humiliating and devilish because these at least say something about me as a person and will tell others what I am like.
Punctual, disciplined and organized sound so clinical, almost like German's are robots.
So if these 3 things are what Germans are defined as I am definitely not German at all. Sure I can be all of those things but I would much rather not be. If I have to be these three things for people to like me hell I will live without friends for the rest of my life and happily!
But the worst thing about this is that if I had to describe what German's are like I wouldn't be any less clinical!
Our whole culture is so fixated on learning so we can get a job and than getting a good job so we can have money and than just working till we eventually have a burn out.
I mean if you would now tell all the working people in Germany to take a week off they wouldn't know what to do with themselves, since they had no time to plan anything.
Why is it that in this country we feel the need to be able to plan everything? Can't we just take life day by day from time to time? Why does everything have to be predictable and if it's not it freaks us out?
I honestly don't get it, someone please explain it to me!
All of this pressure to be something, to make something of yourself I am honestly not having it. I must be born in the wrong country because I am probably the least German person you can find.
I don't care what others think about me when I jump around like and idiot just because I feel like it. And if I feel like singing out loud on the street I will do it, it is liberating.
I am not some stuck up business person and I don't think you could ever turn me into one, but that is also the reason why I feel out of place most of the time. Because although all my friends seem to like my crazy it is kind of hard to find people who are the same, at least in Germany that is.
Which brings me back to my point: I was born in the wrong country.
Just being in London proved that again. Get me into a crowd of people trying to get from A to B in Germany and I will very likely freak out. Put me in one in any other country: I am fine.
People don't seem to notice this, but in Germany when you have a large crowd everyone just seems to care for themselves. Everyone tries to make their way along a busy street only thinking about how they are gonna make it. You will never have more body contact with strangera then walking along a busy street in any bigger town in Germany. It sometimes is plain rude how people tend to push you aside just so they can get along a bit faster (and yes I also find those people who stop in the middle of the road just to look at something annoying as hell).
However take a equally as busy road in lets say New Zealand and you will find that people are a lot more attentive and much rather walk a bit slower and accept their place in the crowd then to push people aside. Also this searching for gaps in between the people in front of you, that you can then fill doesn't seem to occur as much.
I mean sometimes I honestly wonder if we German's are somehow related to snakes, because the way we wind ourselves through crowds is impressive and could be called a gift if we would respect other people a bit more whilst doing so.
Rather than trying to make my way though a mass of people to get somewhere in time I would plan ahead and leave five minutes early so I don't have to rush and as a result of that wind my way to the tube station or bus stop or wherever I am going.
Not only does it make your life a lot less stressful but there also is a lot less skill required :D
I got thinking about this while being in London over New Year's. Because London takes winding through crowds to a whole new level, because lets be honest here: the streets of London are always quite full.
But I was on holiday and had time, so I didn't have to make my way through! I could just stay behind and walk a bit slower. However that is so not typically German. Even when not in a rush and there being plenty of time German's don't seem to be able to let go of this stupid winding-habit. It's annoying really and absolutely uncalled for when you are on holiday.
To conclude: I might be born in Germany but I certainly wasn't born with a German mentality.
Also shown by the fact that I live in Bavaria and don't drink any alcohol which is probably unheard of :D
So if you feel like you don't belong from time to time: Find the place you do belong and make it your little escape when everything gets to much. It also helps a lot to have people who love you and accept you even though they might not be like you.
I am quite often the weird one jumping around in a crowd of friend who walk calmly along the street. It's fine to be different as long as the people you surround yourself with don't try to change you :)