I just couldn't come up with a name for this post cause everything I tried just didn't seem right.
Today I'm writing about something that has been on my mind for quite some time but I didn't really think it was worth sharing till I came across a video the other day that was just plain painful to watch. I'll get to why that was later on.
The topic of that video that has gone viral quite some time ago is bullying.
Now having been bullied myself I think that it is something that not enough people are aware of. Or at least not enough people are willing to do something against it.
It can ruin so much more then just someones self esteem!
I remember the feeling like it was yesterday even if I can't remember every detail of what exactly happened.
That time is like a big blur in my mind probably because I'm suppressing the memories. I mean why wouldn't I do that to protect myself? I remember enough to know that those were really difficult times in my life.
The girl who started it had been a good friend of mine before she decided I would make a good victim. I had never approved of her talking crap about others so she cut me out next.
She told nasty things about me and a lot of private things I didn't want anyone to know. For example that my dad wasn't my biological father and things about my relationship with one of my ex-boyfriends.
She made it very clear that whoever spend time with me was going to be next, so no one did spend time with me.
I wasn't invited to any parties ( I was 16) or birthdays because everyone was scared of that one girl.
Going to school soon became a torture for me. I have always been someone who needed contact to other people otherwise I would just slowly die like a plant without water. And she didn't allow me to get what I so desperately needed: friends.
I don't know if it was luck or if she just got bored of excluding me and decided that I wasn't worth the attention it took to bully me.
So after the long summer break it just stopped. She didn't do anything but there still was a lack of friendships since no one really knew what would happen if they started talking to me. I slowly started getting back on my feet trying not to get in her way and pretty much kept my mouth shut about everything. I didn't want to give her any reason to start all over again.
At the end of 11 grade I had some friends again but I didn't trust any of them.
Up till now it is hard for me to truly trust someone since I can't get myself to believe that they won't betray me.
It took my best friend quite some time till I opened up to him about this stuff and really told him about it. And I have to say he is the one person I can rely on and I know he would never use any of my weaknesses against me.
So getting bullied for speaking my mind has resulted in me loosing faith in trust aside from the fact that it took me 4 years to find the courage to say: I'm okay the way I am and no one can tell me otherwise. And I'm sure I wouldn't be where I am today if I hadn't left home and gone to New Zealand for a year. No one knew who I was there and therefore didn't judge me for it either. I learned that being yourself is the only way to be at all. Being anything other then yourself will always be apparent and people won't feel completely comfortable around you since you don't even feel comfortable around yourself.
Getting bullied can destroy so much in a person and I was already 16 when it started I can't imagine what would have happened to me if I would have been younger. I mean how is a 10 year old supposed to know what the hell is going on? They haven't even had the chance to try out who they are and already get crushed.
And people get bullied for a lot less then speaking their mind nowadays.
Kids get bullied for not wearing brand-name clothes or not having a cell phone at the age of 8.
One of the sweet little grand children of my boss got bullied in kindergarden by this girl who had a new outfit on everyday. In kindergarden? Seriously?
I mean what is a 5 year old supposed to say to someone telling them that they are not accepted if they wear the same t-shirt twice?
That is ridiculous. I don't get it: why would you do that to another human being?
And the other thing is: Why doesn't anyone do something about it.
If my whole class would have told that girl off for bullying me what would she have done? Or only 3 others would have been enough. She wouldn't have been able to exclude all of them and even if she did we would have been our own little group and none of us would have really been alone.
But no one did and it was horrible to live through.
So here is the video I was talking about:
I couldn't watch it for more then a minute because it felt like reliving what had happened to me. But at the same time I felt so bad for this poor woman because no one should have to live through that. And I mean no one!
Someone took this video, that was filmed by her bullies and uploaded to Facebook, downloaded it and uploaded it to their YouTube account. Within a week it went viral and people wanted to help this woman so they wanted to raise 3000$ so Karen could take a holiday. However within 3 weeks they raised around 600.000 $. That is because one person stepped up and tweeted about how shocking they found the video so people would notice it.
When Karen received the money she used 100.000 $ to launch a charity called the Karen Klein Foundation that is dedicated to tackling bullying across America.
Being bullied is always going to be a part of who I am and I can't change that anymore but we can all change it for others.
There will always be those who bully others but having a friend beside you that stands up for you can make all the difference.
I'm happy someone stepped up for Karen and seeing what came out of it is very inspiring.
I don't hold a grudge against the girl who bullied me and have even given her another chance because I believe that people can change.
I'm over it and to be honest I wouldn't be where I am today if it hadn't happened to me. And by that I don't mean that it was easy to endure or that I would do it again!
I have made my peace with it and all I now wanna do is change something for all of the kids that might still have it ahead of them.
DON'T LOOK AWAY!!
x
J.
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