Throwback Thursday - Ex-Boyfriends II

Hello guys :)

So here we go again: Ex-Boyfriends the second round :)
Apparently it was interesting enough last week so I'm going to keep embarrassing myself with these stories.
Now just to clarify this: this is going to be the second and also last post about ex-boyfriends since there have been 5 in my life so far and I'm not going to write about the last one.
So here is the two next ex's:

Now this third man in my life is actually someone that my parents never knew about in fact I don't even think his parents new about us dating.
I think it was due to the fact that my mum and his dad had been old friends and that somehow led to him thinking that we had to hide it from them.
It did make the whole relationship thing a lot more fun though cause sneaking around was really interesting but at the same time I always felt like he didn't want to be seen with me.
Which was balanced by the fact that as soon as mine or his parents weren't around he couldn't keep his hand off me.
Oh just noticed that I didn't mention how old I was when I was with Mr. 3. I was almost 16 but we kinda started going out right after I had 'broken up' with my last boyfriend. We all went on away for a weekend together with a lot of other friends and that was when my Nr. 2 found out about me and Mr.3 which was a little awkward and possibly a little life threatening for Mr.3. Because lets just say Nr 2 was not very amused about it and the fact that they were actually kinda good friends made it even worse.
They didn't end up killing each other but have never actually been friends again since :) 
Yeah I am even worse, now I have gone over to ruining friendships... I should not be allowed to have boyfriends :D
Mr 3 and I ended up being together for almost 6 months after which he broke up with me.
Via ICQ (is that still around?) Is that still a thing? Do people still have ICQ?
Yeah so he basically told me that he needed a break in one of our after school chats. In school he had been completely normal and I have no idea when he decided that but well: it happened. 
So I was like: Sure take as much time as you need and that's when he said he wanted to end things. Via a frigging ICQ chat. Very classy Mr 3. I hope he has learned that that is not how it's done by now as well :D
I was pretty heart broken for about a month and did not have another boyfriend till I was almost 19.

Which brings us directly to D. aka number 4. Again I met him at summer camp. Only difference this time we were both group leaders and not participants. 
I don't actually have much to say about D. only that I have no idea what I was doing. He wasn't anywhere close to being my type and we work way better as friends then we ever did as a couple. 
And my best friend called it from the beginning. He knew it wouldn't work out and it didn't. 
D. broke up with me just about a week before my A-levels... not ideal but at least he took the time to come by and say it. 
Ne now is a really good friend of my best friend and we are still in contact. 

So that is all there is to know about my ex-boyfriends :)

I'm not going to write about my ex from New Zealand simply because I'm not ready to do so yet. It was a very special time of my life that I got to spend with this amazingly beautiful person that challenged me to grow every day and showed me what self respect means.
I will always be grateful for the time I got to spend with him even though it was not that long because I had to go home. 
And I still get those moments where I think about what he would have me do now. 
For me they are memories I'm not yet ready to relive.

x
J.

Throwback Thursday - Ex-Boyfriends

Hello you guys :)
The week is almost over and I hope you had a good one!

A couple of days ago a good friend got this idea in my head that I should write about my ex-boyfriends in one of my "Throwback Thursday" entries. So I thought I would do so this week.
I have thought a lot about it this last couple of days and I couldn't see why I shouldn't write about them. There is a couple of things though that will not appear in this entry:
1. Names
2. pictures

I just don't want to invade their privacy although I highly doubt that any of them will ever get to read this.
And it's really sad about the pictures because I have some pretty hilarious ones but again there's a privacy issue for me.
Now as you all know I don't have a problem whatsoever with making me look like a fool on here but I don't know about others so I will leave the pictures buried in the folders from years ago :( lol.

Another thing that I have realised is the fact that I have never actually spend a lot of time thinking about my ex-boyfriends after it was over.
Wow that sounds really coldhearted if I say it like that.
What I meant by it was that I didn't think about them after all the heartbreak was over and they are mostly ex-boyfriends I had when I was 14, 15 and 16 which seems quite far away now.
And I was such a different person back then.

So shall we get started?
First off is obviously my first boyfriend and we will name him Number 1. We were together for like 3 months I think and I don't want to lie here but I think I was 14 when we were together. And turned 15 two months into the relationship.
Isn't it strange that I don't exactly know how old I was?
I remember a lot of other little details and stuff but I'm not sure about my age. In fact I'm not sure about that with most of them :D It's kinda embarrassing I know but that's how it is lol.
It all started off in summer camp and because we just got along pretty well all the others started telling us how cute we would be as a couple. Today you would probably say they started shipping us :D
And till this moment I'm convinced that I only started going out with him because I liked the idea of having a boyfriend. And partly because all these people had said it would be cute.
I might have liked him a lot but realised pretty early on that I didn't actually want to spend that much time with him. And I had no idea what being in a relationship meant so I just went with everything that he suggested.
I think I should mention that he was only a year older then me so he didn't really know what he was doing either which made our first kiss (my first kiss) really gross, at least looking back on it. Back then I had no idea how it should work so I couldn't complain.
Today I know that he was practically eating my face which wasn't that nice....
And oh my god I had no idea how to break up with someone so at one point I just stopped talking to him and I guess he figured out the rest. ugh... I know not nice but I just had no idea how to get rid of him which was what it had come to at the end. I was really annoyed by him and was happy as long as I didn't have to see him. Maybe I had also subconsciously figured out that this kissing thing wasn't something he was good at haha.
So at one point it was over because he had figured out that I just wasn't talking to him anymore. I don't think I actually ever said that we were over... I'm a weirdo that's what I've noticed :D
After it was over we kept running into each other at festivals and stuff because we liked the same kind of music and had a couple of mutual friends.
And whenever he was drunk he used to tell people that we had been together which made the whole situation incredibly odd for me even years later. He even had a chat with another boyfriend of mine, telling him all about how we got together.....
So yes nice one mini me... Well done :D

I have just realised as I'm writing this that it could actually get kinda long. So I might cover 2 of my ex's in this post and 2 next week!

After Number 1 I hit it off with the son of a pastor. I was 15 and he was like 3 months younger than me.
Right from the beginning my friends (which I didn't have very many of at that time) told me that he wasn't right for me.
Not mainly because he was the son of a pastor but because he was very shy and serious about life. I'm a Christian and I believe in god so the being-a-son-of-a-pastor-thing was no reason for this relationship going wrong.
It started of pretty well and I think I might have actually had a crush on him. I liked the way he treated me and how he always wanted to know what I thought about things. I felt involved and that was nothing I was used to.
Regardless of that he was a very nice person and interested in a lot of things I did. Looking back he probably only took an interest because I did.
Which is one of the things that made it harder and harder for me to spend time with him. Because all we really did was something that I had to choose. I mean don't get me wrong it was great but it got to a point where it felt like he was only doing things because I wanted to.
Another thing was the fact that he got really clingy and wanted to spend more and more time with me, leaving me with close to no time for myself or other friends. And that up till now is something I'm not able to handle.
I need my own space and I need to still be an independent person when in a relationship.
I need room to breathe or I'll run.
And the last thing is the fact that even though we were together for 6 months we kissed once. He had very strict perceptions when it came to relationships and although I'm also Christian I didn't agree with them all that much.
So yes we broke up but again I did not handle it very well. I was so afraid of what he would do if I broke up with him that I actually made my friend tell him...At least that is what I think I did...

Oh wow! I'm such a bad person, those poor guys.
I'm very glad that I have learned how to break up with someone by now. Although I still believe that there is no right way to do so I at least am able to do it in person now.


I hope you enjoyed reading this and if you did let me know so I can do another one next week with another 2 ex boyfriends.
Or write about something more interesting if you didn't like it :D

x
J.

Love ?!

Since spring is still nowhere in sight I thought I would at least write about my most favourite thing about that time of the year: Spring Fever.
Well it's not the spring fever itself it's more about love in general. Because love is this big mysterious thing that no one really seems to get but everyone evidently needs. And boy I'm not saying I get it I just find it extremly interesting and I wanna share some of my thoughts with you guys.

1. Do you believe in love at first sight? Because I don't. I believe that there can be attraction at first sight and maybe a little crush on someone but I just don't think you can fall in love with someone that easily.Me and my last boyfriend kind of fell in love really quick but still not at first sight. I mean how could I do that if I believe that personality is essential for a realtionship? Because there just is no way that you can tell someones character by looking at them. That's just not how it works... would be really cool though, almost like a superpower :D So like I said we fell in love really quick like after a week or something and I had never even thought that was possible till it happened. And the feeling was crazy I had never felt anything like that before. At the beginning it was a complete loss of control over myself cause I just wasn't able to exist over a longer period of time without having seen him. I would get so nervous and liturally felt sick if I didn't at least see him once a day (luckily he felt the same way otherwise it would have been real strange:D). Being in love can make you feel really weak and at the same time give you a strange feeling of strength. I know that being in that last relationship that I had made me stronger and constalntly pushed me to go as far as I could. It urged me to outgrow myself but in a really good way and I learned so much about myself from my boyfriend. And even though it kinda ended in a bad way I don't regret one minute of it because he showed me what being myself really ment and that I was lovable the way I am. It's totally incredible how much of a boost my self-confidence got from that relationship and I managed to keep that up after it was over.

2. I don't know if that is just something that happens to me or if that happenes to other people aswell but I have this weird thing were people get more attractive the better I know them. Is that weird or does that happen to you guys aswell? I would love some comments about that :)
So yes that happens to me occasionally. Like I would meet someone and think: okay they look okay and then I spend time with them. And the better I get to know them the more attractive they get. That is the reason why I believe that personality is such an important thing, because character really makes you beautiful. I think that the personality of a person can  make them attractive and I know that's what people always say but I honestly think it's true. I personally am not picky about who I date I believe that I judge on personality because what do I do with someone who is amazingly gorgeous but has no brains in his head? I think everyone not only needs a boyfriend/girlfriend who is good looking but who they can also relate and talk to. 
So in my opinion personality might even be more important then looks cause if people get more attractive the better I get to know them than they don't have to be amazingly beautiful  when I meat them for the first time. And I hope you guys can understnad what I'm trying to say here :D 
Basically the better I know someone the more appealing they get to me.... 

3. And this is something that I find a bit annoying about love: It's the fact that some people say it way too many times so it kinda looses its meaning. And I'm pretty sure you all have seen that before: those people that post things about their boyfriends/girlfriends saying how much they love them. Once: totally fine with me. Twice: Yeah sure you really love them more then that: Ok we know why don't you tell them in person next time. More then 10 times: Shut the f*** up you are annoying. And what I really don't get is why you have to do this on facebook in the first place. I know social media and all but still social media shouldn't do all the talking for us. I mean what do a gain by telling the person I love on facebook that I love them? Probably only people making fun of me. Why can't people just keep that to themselves after having updated their relationship status? After having done that everyone knows you are in a relationship and we don't need to know every 10 minutes how much you love your boyfriend/girlfriend. And the other thing is that I honestly believe that people how feel the need to do that don't really know what love is. 
And that's where we get to the point: people say it too much.  Saying I love you should be something really special and reading it on facebook or twitter or what not just isn't. 

4. Those little kids that say they love their girlfriend/boyfriend. I for one know that when I was 12 I had no idea what love was. You don't even really know yourself at that age how can you know someone else well enough to really love them? And the other thing is that I just don't think you can understand what love is at that age. I mean I'm 21 and I can say I probably still don't really know what love is. I know a lot more about it after my last relationship because I can say that was the first time that I felt like I really loved someone but I'm pretty sure I still have a lot to learn about it. I mean in that way it kinda is a never ending process of learning, but being 12 you havn't even got the slightest idea of what is to come. Yes I get that you wanna try the whole girlfriend/boyfriend thing at a young age and I do believe that you might have a crush on them and like them a lot but you are not in love with them. 
But I don't critizise those 'kids' I just kinda think to myself: wait till you get older and you'll laugh about saying you loved that person. That's what I did :) I mean I even have to laugh about 17 year old me with her boyfriend :D I had no idea what I was doing.....


So growing up we change and our way of experiencing love does aswell. I enjoyed the way I grew with the 'word' love even though I really have to laugh about my  early attempts :D


So those are my thoughts about love :)
Anything I missed? Any other things you think should be said? 
Write a comment and I'll definitely read it and answer back :)

Have a good week everyone and tomorrow the new structured blog starts so come back to check that out :) Hopefully it works the way I want it too :)

x
J.